Category Archives: Mindset

Advice, Life, Mindset

Need directions? Have an Internal Compass. A simple guide to help navigate through life.

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Life can often times get crazy. You know this. I know this. We all know this. How we handle that craziness is largely an unconscious process. It’s culled from years of social conditioning, parenting, culture, experience and genetics. And unless you’ve been deliberate about it, it’s tough to know what is going on with how you react to the world. It’s more like, something happens, you react somehow and do something. Something else happens, you react again and do something else. And these reactions are consistent with how you’ve reacted in the past for the most part. After years of consistency, most of these reactions are instinctual. You wake up, read the morning newspaper and have your cup of coffee before treading off to work. Others you are born with. Something funny happens, you laugh. Others you decide on. Should you wear white socks or black socks today? The more perceived importance of the decision, the longer it takes to decide and the harder it is. Do you take that job in LA and uproot your entire family? Or do you stick around in your dead-end job so your kids get to stay at the private school they worked so hard to get into?

If you decide the same way enough times you’ve eventually formed an automated habit. These decisions, habits and reactions become a lot easier to figure out if you have some guidance. This isn’t about morals or ethics per se. This isn’t about right and wrong. And these aren’t rules. Think of it more like an internal compass that’s always there to guide you whenever you need it.

Ready for the secret? It’s quite simple. Prioritize the values and ideals that are important to you. Let me explain by giving you my most important ideals.

Curiosity

Curiosity is all about having an open mind. It let’s me explore things just like my childhood favourite Curious George. This has allowed me to explore so many aspects of life that I am so grateful that I was born with this curiosity. Thankfully it has never left. Does Curious George get himself into some funny and interesting predicaments? You bet your ass he does. But that’s what makes that cute monkey so adorning and interesting. My own curiosity has taken me all over the world, experiencing fascinating cultures, meeting interesting people, exploring cool places and discovering new activities. Curiosity has let me explore vegetarianism, survivalism, salsa dancing, pickup, self-help, meditation and an endless number of random things.

Pragmatist

Being pragmatic is all about being practical instead of dreaming about an ideal world. I struggled with this a lot in my youth and early adulthood. I always wanted things to be how they should, not how they are. And it would cause intense anger, ruin relationships, and just general malaise. But now armed with a pragmatic attitude, I can quickly adapt to what’s in front of me and just go with the flow, so to speak. This practicality embedded in real life let’s me change opinions I have over time as new information becomes available to me, rather than vomiting the same dogma all too common among the world’s “Gurus” out there. Barbell training came from staying pragmatic towards the goals I was trying to accomplish. So did rock climbing, jiu jitsu, intermittent fasting, paleo, etc.

Optimism

Staying optimistic is just good for my soul. If I didn’t stay optimistic, I’d probably stop pursuing a lot of my passions and just be a bummer to be around all the time. You all know pessimistic people in your life. If you don’t know any, you are probably that person. There’s definitely a place for pessimism (it’s included in the next one below). But I know having an optimistic attitude as the default has given me courage in places I didn’t think courage existed, kept me doggedly persistent on the things I believe in, and given me that last bit of hope in darker times.

Stoicism

I didn’t even know this was a thing until I started reading up on Marcus Aurelius after watching Gladiator for the 10,287th time. (I love Marcus, by the way. Here was a dude, ruler of the known universe, who could do whatever the hell he wanted without punishment. And yet he tried, and largely succeeded, to be pure like Ivory soap. What a fucking OG). As luck would have it, it turned out that a lot of the practices I was already doing fell quite in line with the stoic philosophy. There are absolute gems in Stoicism that, if practiced, can make you instantly feel better and live a happier, more fulfilled life. Read here, here, and here for some quick Stoic wins.

Rational

I try to stay rational whenever possible. Mind you, this doesn’t always happen and it is a continual practice. That means science, math, and logic, bitches! That means not believing everything you’re told at face value, but actually taking the time to think about it thoughtfully and logically. That means stepping away from a heated argument when someone is pressing your buttons so you can let your emotions pass and actually think about shit. And yet, the quirks of the human mind are quite real. Even predictable, as Dan Ariely and others have brought to popularity in recent years. Nobody is impervious to them. Putting guards in place or using them to your advantage are your best bet at not letting them own your ass. (If you’re interested, check out Predictably Irrational for an intro to some of the irrational things we do.)

 

Examples of how this works.

Since curiosity is high on my ideals list, I’m constantly trying out new things. It’s so important to me that unless I schedule it in, curiosity can can hurt my productivity quite a bit. So I have to block off chunks of time where I am free to do whatever I want. Sometimes I’ll peruse crowdfunding sites like Kickstarter and Indiegogo (this is my new addiction, btw, NOT RECOMMENDED) to check out all these cool projects. Other times I’ll dink around with new programming languages or frameworks that fascinate me like React from Facebook. And other times I’ll just read a book on a topic I know nothing about. I don’t put any limits on it. When I’m curious I’m God mode curious.

Now what happens when I discover something from my curiosity that is better in some way compared to something I currently do or believe? Well the pragmatic side of me weighs the pros and the cons, and if the pros win I’ll start to change and adapt if it is practical to do so. Even if it goes against some strongly held beliefs I have.

Since pragmatism is important, if I need to I will be irrational and pessimistic in certain situations. For example, if there’s an empowering belief, such as being able to start up a successful business despite the odds of success, you damn right I’m taking it. Even if it isn’t rational. These are things like being optimistic that the path you’re on will work despite the odds. This is the “fake it till you make it” advice that actually works. Mind follows body. Body follows mind.

Stoicism has an idea known as “voluntary discomfort”. Why do this? Because it makes you stronger and builds character. It’s like strength training. Pulling a heavy ass weight off the floor isn’t exactly comfortable, but do it safely and consistently because you’ll be better off for it in the long run.

That’s what guides me. Your compass will be different. But imagine what you can do with your own internal compass. No more walking around the world like a zombie. No more going through the motions because that’s what everybody else does. Imagine getting out of ruts faster. Imagine maneuvering through tricky situations because your compass guided you. Give it a go. Yes, it does take a lot of effort. But in the end you won’t regret it.

Habits, Mindset, Systems

Getting In the Ring

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It’s 12:30 am on a Saturday night (Sunday morning) and here I am typing on my laptop. I am trying to write. I forget how to. It’s pretty tough.

I spent the day trying to deploy the latest web app I’ve been working on for the past couple of months. It was as I expected – disaster. You know that law, Murphy’s. Damn you. It was the command line tool that I was supposed to install not installing. Then it was the bundle tool not working with the extremely useful error message…. “Error”. Then it was git acting up. Then the virtual instance. Then the internet connection. Shoot me now.

I’ve been trying to chunk my time. Four hours for some deep work. An hour to read. A half hour nap. An hour to write. And so on. It’s hard when shit doesn’t work. When things break and go bad. It’s hard to get into the habits when all I feel like doing is taking a sledge hammer to my computer. So I tinker, wait for the computer terminal to spit back some venomous error, and I tinker again. Rinse. Repeat. Next thing I know 6 hours have passed and I haven’t eaten. I haven’t progressed much, either. More time passes. More tinkering. More suckage. Screw it. White flag. Live to see another day. And now I’m here, trying to salvage my day.

I’ve been doing alright for the most part for the past 6 months. I’d give myself a B. I start the day strong, but post dinner I don’t have much juice left in me to write. I don’t have much juice to do anything. Not tired enough to sleep, too tired to think. Wah, I don’t want to do this. Everything is telling me to stop. Then I just start. And bam, here I am.

Damn, I’m at 300 words already. Then I remember how the pros do it. They just do. Screw motivation, they just do it. Then I remember how I am supposed to do it. Screw motivation, just do it already. It’s that simple. Simple, yes. Easy, hell no. But that’s why the pros are pros and the amateurs are not. Do I want to be an amateur or a pro? I know my answer. What’s yours?

Hey, what do you know. I have words, real words. Not bad. I’ll do this again tomorrow. Because I know habits take time. And consistency. I know processes and systems are better than willpower. But willpower can be strengthened anyway. Pros know this. Then they do it, even when they don’t want to. Need some sleep. Got to recover from the day’s beating. Tomorrow, I put on the gloves and get back in the ring. Rinse. Repeat.

Goals, Habits, Life, Mindset

1 Year Later

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It’s been over a year now since I started on my entrepreneurial journey, and boy have I learned a lot. I’ve made a ton of mistakes, learned from them, and gotten just a tad wiser. At least, I think. I’ll continue to make mistakes, of course, and that’s par for the course. So many unbelievable opportunities have opened up because I finally had the courage to start believing in myself. But man, was I ever nervous as hell. To an extent, I still am from time to time, and I don’t think that will ever go away. But I sure am glad I took that first step over 1 year ago. I’ll never look back.

 

My life is so much different now. Faster, better, happier, more resilient, more courageous, more patient. I’m a lucky dude. Great friends, great family. That decision to move back to where I grew up was one of the toughest decisions I ever made. I sacrificed a lot, left a lot behind, and made some tough and unpopular decisions. And now I’m better for it. Looking back over a year later, it seems like a no brainer. Why the hell did it take so long?

 

My $80,000 tuition bill is paid. I’m debt free now. Feels good, feels real good. My Spanish has improved tremendously. In fact, I am almost done the entire Spanish course on Duolingo. I sure am glad I started learning Spanish over 1 year ago (probably closer to 1.5 years actually).

 

And my strength? I started barbell training late July of last year. I had no clear goals in mind. I wanted to be stronger, not superhuman level but not pathetic either. Now I’m squating over 300 lbs and deadlifting 2.5 times my bodyweight. And I remember at first I wasn’t sure I wanted to spend all of that money buying a power rack and barbells and weights last summer. Idiot, one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

 

Am I where I want to be with my entrepreneurial pursuits? No. Am I where I want to be with my language learning? No. Am I as strong as I want to be? No. But fuck, I am leaps and bounds ahead of where I was 1 year ago.

 

My point is in this moment we all have our doubts, and they never go away. Those doubts are there for your protection, but often times they do more harm then good. If I listened to them, I’d probably be stuck in a dead end job working for the man paying off my debt for eternity and living in slow and silent misery. But every time I felt that doubt I simply decided to act inspite of it and in spite of my reservations. I watch this awesome girl do her thing and I’m convinced that that’s how it goes down

 

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=daC2EPUh22w

 

You see, at first, you look like a moron. You just do. And you probably feel silly, too. But sooner or later, things start to click. Sometimes it takes forever. Spanish, for example, is not something I pick up quickly. It could be my material or my methods, or it could just be I am not really gifted in linguistics (or a combination). But strength has accelerated beyond my wildest expectations. I wasn’t particularly good at rock climbing, but first person shooter games like Quake 3 I excelled at very quickly. Some things you’re just going to be naturally gifted at, and other things not so much. But what matters the most is consistent, deliberate effort.

 

This summer I started running. For years I’ve told my friends how much I hated running. I thought it was deathly boring and repetitive and I never got into the zone while running and I never felt a runners high. Well I’ve been at it for 4 months now and I still find it boring and repetitive and I still haven’t gotten into the zone or felt a runner’s high. But I can feel it starting to make sense. It might not come anytime soon, but if I keep at it, it will. It’s an inevitability.

 

After a long hiatus, I am back training jiu jitsu again. My timing is coming back quickly and the muscle memory is there. And I’m a whole heck of a lot stronger now. I’ll give it a year of consistent and deliberate practice, and have another look back. I bet I’m going to be better.

 

So what’s that thing you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t gotten around to it? Start today, because 1 year from now you’re going to be +9000 at it. Go ahead, give yourself permission.

Mindset

Vulnerability is Strength

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I’m going to let you in on a little secret: machoness is overrated. There are macho dudes that ARE macho because it is who they are, and then there is everybody else trying to be macho. Macho guys are strong, and the fake machos are not. The fake machos lack strength and they try really hard to hide this fact by acting macho. Little do they know that what’s stronger and sexier than acting macho is acknowledging weakness and exposing vulnerability. That’s true power.

Look at this:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HpC6GVjC18

That’s strength right there. To believe in his art so intensely that he would take huge career risks to dress up as a woman, look hideously, and cry about it because of what he believes to be flaws in the human condition. Hoffman, a true artisan. Think he could have gotten there by acting macho? Nope, probably not.

Vulnerability is not weakness as we are so often led to believe, it is true strength. Healthy relationships cannot thrive without vulnerability. Mastery, a road paved with failure, setbacks and roadblocks cannot occur without vulnerability. Realizing that you probably do look silly, you are weak, and people probably are laughing at you, but you are going to try your best anyway (just kidding about people laughing at you, rarely does anybody care). That’s vulnerability, and man is it powerful.

Artists are vulnerable every time they show the world their art. Musicians are vulnerable any time they release new music. Architects, dancers, actors, entrepreneurs, builder of things, the shakers, movers and the doers, they are all vulnerable.

Critics, man. Always the critics. They come at you from all angles, trying to attack you whenever you step out into the world with your art. Don’t act macho and don’t put up your walls. Feel the sting, take the hits, fall on your ass, and get right back up. That’s vulnerability and that is also a great source of strength.

There is no honesty, no self expression, no courage without vulnerability. It is there for a reason. To pass it off as weakness and to shun it away is a great disservice to yourself. But do not confuse vulnerability with cowardice, whininess, or childishness. Vulnerability is opening up the soul for others to see and comes from strength and power while the others come from the same place that acting macho comes from – a lack of maturity, the ego, excuses, and so on all in the name of self preservation and the status quo. They are weak efforts to try to maintain or improve upon your position in the social heirarchy. Vulnerability is giving up your position altogether, to start from the bottom because it feels right, consequences be damned, and saying screw the social heirarchy. And who knows, maybe…. just maybe, one day you’ll end up at the top.

Say it with me: “I am scared and I am vulnerable. And that’s ok.”

Life, Mindset

The Law of Impermanence

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In Buddhism, it is said that Buddha taught 3 facts of existence… they are suffering, non-self, and impermanence. Impermanence is the one that I take to heart the most (but the others are worth reflection as well), perhaps because it is the easiest to understand and the easiest to see unfold in the real world. If you’ve heard the terms such as “nothing lasts forever” and other sayings then you are touching on impermanence.

My buddy has a tattoo of the symbol of impermanence permanently plastered on his body. Ironic? Perhaps. But he’ll die one day, his skin will wither to nothing, and thus it isn’t really permanent. Eckart Tolle says (paraphrasing…also, holy shit, I’m busting out Tolle).. “Even the sun will die some day”

My workout buddy and frequent partner in crime told me that his work let go some people today. Then, predictably, he stated that he thought he was next to get chopped, shrugged his shoulders, and that was that. He then blabbed on about something about Gladiator. I don’t know, I was confused too. Anyway, tangent….But it happens (the layoff, not the tangent, but I guess that’s true, too…Ah I did it again!), especially in a society focused on the bottom line. When/If this ever happens to you, see it not as a setback but rather an opportunity to start something new, because in reality everything is impermanent. Easier said than done, I know (as is most things I recommend on this blog), but just tell yourself “this too shall pass”

And I just read Google Reader is shutting down. I cursed a lot, rage tweeted, and threw stuff. I then sobbed uncontrollably. But I’m back now and all is good. I saw it coming. RSS is dead or dying, at least according to Google. They even removed the subscribe to RSS button from Chrome (you have to download an extension to re-enable the functionality). I understand, I suppose, from a business perspective. They have to consolidate their projects and focus on steering the gigantic ship they have become towards a clear direction. I mean, that’s what businesses are supposed to do I guess, right??

But anyway, yeah. Impermanence. This is a LAW. This is a FACT. There is no escape. Things change, people change, times change. When you feel like utter garbage, know that it won’t last. When you are sitting on top of the world, that too will end. That awesome job will have its redundant and boring times. That incredible relationship will fade…

So be nice, play nice, and enjoy the ride. And never, ever, forget the law of impermanence.

P.S. I got all nostalgic reading some old posts from this blog in Google Reader that are no longer on the site. I wonder if I’ll get some time to restore some of them, because there are some goodies.

Mindset

Making Decisions

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The ability to make decisions is a quality often overlooked as a character trait or positive quality because we make them so often. It is one of the most important abilities of the human species, and yet all too easily taken for granted. Decisions determine your life and the life of others in very big ways. Every second of every day people are making decisions that determine their lives and the lives of many others. Decisions are influenced by everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. I’ve heard the process of decision making described through systems such as automatic and reflective, as well as rational and emotional. In other words, the situation, your mood, what you ate last, how you were raised, where you are, the colour of the pill you took and a seemingly infinite sea of other things determine how we decide. Perhaps we have less control over what we decide than we think we do.

What we decide as moral might depend on the weather or what we just read in the newspaper. It goes counter to how we think we decide, yet time and again this is what the science demonstrates. When was the last time you made a decision you felt you had full control over, without outside influence? Think wayyy back, because it probably has never happened. This is potentially depressing for some, but the reframe is equally powerful. Knowing this, can’t we make better decisions through self monitoring, being totally honest with ourselves, and getting frequent feedback? I think so.

Think about that the next time you are about to put that cookie into your mouth, buy that tablet you don’t need, and think that buying a house is a wise decision. What are you assuming? You might realize that you don’t even know what you don’t know. You are your own person, but the illusion of control, security, and knowledge isn’t something you should ignore. It’s the game being played around you that you don’t even know exists that is most dangerous.

Lifestyle, Mindset

The Lost Art of Solitude

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I need to qualify my last post a bit. I wrote that I didn’t know what to write and that’s why I haven’t posted in a while. What I meant to say there was that in the past year I have been bombarded with information. Much of it was new to me and much of it conflicted with stuff I already believed. It took me a while to crunch through it all. The best way I know to do the crunching is in solitude.

Solitude is one of those things that people these days don’t get enough of, in my opinion. Life is just too busy. Bills, kids, 10000 TV channels, and twitter just keeps peoples’ schedules full. But solitude is probably one of the most enlightening activities there is. Really, it is my preferred activity most of the time. While I do enjoy hanging out with friends and being around people, for the most part I just love being by myself. I read an interview with Derek Sivers a while back where he basically said the same thing and I was relieved because I thought I was the only weirdo who prefers to be alone. Nothing brings clarity like some quiet, alone time.

I use solitude to reflect, absorb, plan, recover, or just plain enjoy. I do it anywhere, preferably outdoors. Sometimes I’ll just go and read a book at a cafe or go to the library. Sometimes I’ll enjoy a meal somewhere or go watch a movie by myself. Sometimes I will people watch or just stare at a tree. That alone time does wonders. Even just doing everyday chores like folding the laundry or grocery shopping alone can bring about that magical recharge that only solitude brings. I liken it to a good workout, some yoga or meditation, or a relaxing jog.

We are overstimmed in this crazy world we live in. A little bit of alone time is the cure. Being alone without being lonely is the key. This isn’t loneliness I am talking about. If you can’t spend some time by yourself without feeling alone you got issues, mang. Get that checked out, maybe. This isn’t what I’m talking about. I’m talking about that rich, beautiful, inner peace and quiet that comes out only from being completely ok with being by yourself. It brings a sense of balance back into your life that not many other activities can do. It offers a type of introspection that allows you to form your own thoughts. To not multitask. To not be good at following the pack. To be awesome.