Life can often times get crazy. You know this. I know this. We all know this. How we handle that craziness is largely an unconscious process. It’s culled from years of social conditioning, parenting, culture, experience and genetics. And unless you’ve been deliberate about it, it’s tough to know what is going on with how you react to the world. It’s more like, something happens, you react somehow and do something. Something else happens, you react again and do something else. And these reactions are consistent with how you’ve reacted in the past for the most part. After years of consistency, most of these reactions are instinctual. You wake up, read the morning newspaper and have your cup of coffee before treading off to work. Others you are born with. Something funny happens, you laugh. Others you decide on. Should you wear white socks or black socks today? The more perceived importance of the decision, the longer it takes to decide and the harder it is. Do you take that job in LA and uproot your entire family? Or do you stick around in your dead-end job so your kids get to stay at the private school they worked so hard to get into?

If you decide the same way enough times you’ve eventually formed an automated habit. These decisions, habits and reactions become a lot easier to figure out if you have some guidance. This isn’t about morals or ethics per se. This isn’t about right and wrong. And these aren’t rules. Think of it more like an internal compass that’s always there to guide you whenever you need it.

Ready for the secret? It’s quite simple. Prioritize the values and ideals that are important to you. Let me explain by giving you my most important ideals.

Curiosity

Curiosity is all about having an open mind. It let’s me explore things just like my childhood favourite Curious George. This has allowed me to explore so many aspects of life that I am so grateful that I was born with this curiosity. Thankfully it has never left. Does Curious George get himself into some funny and interesting predicaments? You bet your ass he does. But that’s what makes that cute monkey so adorning and interesting. My own curiosity has taken me all over the world, experiencing fascinating cultures, meeting interesting people, exploring cool places and discovering new activities. Curiosity has let me explore vegetarianism, survivalism, salsa dancing, pickup, self-help, meditation and an endless number of random things.

Pragmatist

Being pragmatic is all about being practical instead of dreaming about an ideal world. I struggled with this a lot in my youth and early adulthood. I always wanted things to be how they should, not how they are. And it would cause intense anger, ruin relationships, and just general malaise. But now armed with a pragmatic attitude, I can quickly adapt to what’s in front of me and just go with the flow, so to speak. This practicality embedded in real life let’s me change opinions I have over time as new information becomes available to me, rather than vomiting the same dogma all too common among the world’s “Gurus” out there. Barbell training came from staying pragmatic towards the goals I was trying to accomplish. So did rock climbing, jiu jitsu, intermittent fasting, paleo, etc.

Optimism

Staying optimistic is just good for my soul. If I didn’t stay optimistic, I’d probably stop pursuing a lot of my passions and just be a bummer to be around all the time. You all know pessimistic people in your life. If you don’t know any, you are probably that person. There’s definitely a place for pessimism (it’s included in the next one below). But I know having an optimistic attitude as the default has given me courage in places I didn’t think courage existed, kept me doggedly persistent on the things I believe in, and given me that last bit of hope in darker times.

Stoicism

I didn’t even know this was a thing until I started reading up on Marcus Aurelius after watching Gladiator for the 10,287th time. (I love Marcus, by the way. Here was a dude, ruler of the known universe, who could do whatever the hell he wanted without punishment. And yet he tried, and largely succeeded, to be pure like Ivory soap. What a fucking OG). As luck would have it, it turned out that a lot of the practices I was already doing fell quite in line with the stoic philosophy. There are absolute gems in Stoicism that, if practiced, can make you instantly feel better and live a happier, more fulfilled life. Read here, here, and here for some quick Stoic wins.

Rational

I try to stay rational whenever possible. Mind you, this doesn’t always happen and it is a continual practice. That means science, math, and logic, bitches! That means not believing everything you’re told at face value, but actually taking the time to think about it thoughtfully and logically. That means stepping away from a heated argument when someone is pressing your buttons so you can let your emotions pass and actually think about shit. And yet, the quirks of the human mind are quite real. Even predictable, as Dan Ariely and others have brought to popularity in recent years. Nobody is impervious to them. Putting guards in place or using them to your advantage are your best bet at not letting them own your ass. (If you’re interested, check out Predictably Irrational for an intro to some of the irrational things we do.)

 

Examples of how this works.

Since curiosity is high on my ideals list, I’m constantly trying out new things. It’s so important to me that unless I schedule it in, curiosity can can hurt my productivity quite a bit. So I have to block off chunks of time where I am free to do whatever I want. Sometimes I’ll peruse crowdfunding sites like Kickstarter and Indiegogo (this is my new addiction, btw, NOT RECOMMENDED) to check out all these cool projects. Other times I’ll dink around with new programming languages or frameworks that fascinate me like React from Facebook. And other times I’ll just read a book on a topic I know nothing about. I don’t put any limits on it. When I’m curious I’m God mode curious.

Now what happens when I discover something from my curiosity that is better in some way compared to something I currently do or believe? Well the pragmatic side of me weighs the pros and the cons, and if the pros win I’ll start to change and adapt if it is practical to do so. Even if it goes against some strongly held beliefs I have.

Since pragmatism is important, if I need to I will be irrational and pessimistic in certain situations. For example, if there’s an empowering belief, such as being able to start up a successful business despite the odds of success, you damn right I’m taking it. Even if it isn’t rational. These are things like being optimistic that the path you’re on will work despite the odds. This is the “fake it till you make it” advice that actually works. Mind follows body. Body follows mind.

Stoicism has an idea known as “voluntary discomfort”. Why do this? Because it makes you stronger and builds character. It’s like strength training. Pulling a heavy ass weight off the floor isn’t exactly comfortable, but do it safely and consistently because you’ll be better off for it in the long run.

That’s what guides me. Your compass will be different. But imagine what you can do with your own internal compass. No more walking around the world like a zombie. No more going through the motions because that’s what everybody else does. Imagine getting out of ruts faster. Imagine maneuvering through tricky situations because your compass guided you. Give it a go. Yes, it does take a lot of effort. But in the end you won’t regret it.