Well I hope you all had an enjoyable Christmas and took advantage of the Boxing Day sales. I know I most certainly did. I got a really snazzy computer that I can’t wait to play with. I also got a ton of money, but I gave it to my mom. She told me that I should keep it, and I said I would but I would be donating it so she decided to keep it instead. She’s going to use the money to buy clothes and toys for some of the kids of my Mom’s employees. Aaawwww, how nice. *tear*
Christmas can be very stressful. I have a confession to make, I wasn’t looking forward to something. Every year, our entire family meets up at a family owned restaurant and we have a turkey lunch and there are some gift exchanges. I went last year, but hadn’t gone in the previous 5 years prior and wasn’t planning on going this year. I don’t like going because I really really reallyyyyy don’t vibe with a lot of the family members there. But my mom always insists that I go, and so this year I obliged again dreading it on the inside. I’m sure some of you may know the feeling I’m talking about.
When I talk about compassion, I personally really struggle with it with this side of the family. I guess you could call it one of my big sticking points. For many years I tried and tried for them to like me, but for one reason or other just couldn’t make any ground. I just haven’t cut through their arrogance and pompous attitudes and their hostility. Ever since I was a kid, it has been like that. This year was no different. As soon as I walked into the place, my uncle says to his daughter (who is currently dating a guy in my industry), “Hey, here’s Martin! The engineer, he’s in IT!”. And she quickly snapped back, “SO?! Am I supposed to be his friend now?!” and gave me this icy cold stare. OUCH!! The worst part is I didn’t even SAY anything. I got hacked for just showing up. I just smiled and said Merry Christmas and just let it roll off my back and excused myself from the room. But I know in previous years if she busted that out on me I probably would have threw some stuffing at her (not really, but it would have really ate me up inside). I REALLY dug deep and was pulling up buckets full of compassion from my ocean. “It had nothing to do with me, she just resents her dad for belittling her in front of people all the time, probably.” is what I kept telling myself (I told my mom later about this story and she confirmed it).
Other things happened at this gathering that I could talk about, but I’m sure you can relate to not getting along with at least one member of your family and then having to spend time with them during Christmas. Its not easy, even when you consciously try. Even when you can be the more mature one, holding onto that energy afterwards can really tear you up inside. Sometimes family gatherings can get really stressful. Combine that with the pressure of buying gifts and it really is a recipe for disaster. I tend not to sweat too much about it, this year I received a gift I didn’t give a gift back to in return but I hope they bought the gift for me out of the goodness of their heart, and wasn’t EXPECTING anything back. I very rarely reciprocate a gift (just ask any of my close friends), and I feel no guilt not reciprocating either. I shouldn’t have to, and neither should you. I buy gifts when I want to buy them, not because I have to. Just like I don’t feel any guilt for not showing up to any family gatherings. Its not natural, to force family to get together even when some members don’t want to (that would be me in this case).
All of this holiday season should come from LOVE, and yet it very rarely does. It has become a CHORE, it has become ARTIFICIAL, it has become CONSUMERIST. Actually, its been like that since I was born, just like many of you reading this blog. We were BORN into this brainwashed season. Just one of the many. I hope some of you are starting to see how much of this really does influence your thoughts, behaviours and emotions. Christmas can be incredibly rewarding, or it can be absolutely dreadful, both for the very same reasons. Which would you rather choose? I loved this Christmas, it was pure awesomeness deluxe.