I forget this one all the time, so I am writing it down here so I can come back and read it from time to time, then bitchslap myself for forgetting again. Too often we focus far too much of our desires on the shiny object at the end of the road, running past everything so quickly that we don’t even get to stop and smell the flowers. That sucks, and it’s unfortunately ingrained in our culture. Having an end goal in mind isn’t necessarily bad (although some argue that it is), but a dogged fixation on it isn’t the healthiest thing for you.

A better alternative is to focus on the process. Let’s go with a few examples. I’ll take them from my life since they are salient in my mind and important to me.

1. I want to learn Spanish. So what’s the desired outcome? Well, I’d like to be fluent and have conversations with people and understand what people are saying. While some people suggest moving to a Spanish-speaking country and immediately start speaking with the locals, that is a tad bit extreme for me. Instead, I use memrise and duolingo. The process is simple. I wake up, enjoy a cup of coffee, and I do my lessons. Everyday. That’s it. Am I moving forward toward my outcome? Yes, most days. Some days, a lesson will totally mess me up and it’ll feel like I just stumbled back a couple of steps. Duolingo especially drives me nuts. Sometimes I just want to put my fist through the monitor. Then I have to remind myself to focus on the process, not the outcome. Just show up and do the lesson. Sometimes I’ll fail the lesson and sometimes I’ll succeed. But there is no question I am better at Spanish now then I was a month ago.

2. I want to get stronger. I want absolute strength but relative strength is more important to me (two people who can deadlift

500lbs have the same absolute strength for the deadlift, but the lighter person has a better strength to weight ratio and thus is relatively stronger). I’d like to pull 400lbs off of the ground by the end of the year, but trying to pull that weight now would potentially injure me so I’m not even going to bother. Instead, all I can do is show up on deadlift day. I like to use a mental checklist. A checklist written down is even better. Did I get enough sleep? Check. Have I been keeping my stress levels down? Check. Did I eat well this week? Check. Am I excited for my workout? Hell yes check. And here again, sometimes I’ll fail to pull what I put on the barbell and sometimes I’ll succeed. But again, by focusing on the process there is no question I am stronger this month then I was last month. Maybe I’ll reach 400 by years end, and maybe I won’t. By focusing on the process, it is irrelevant. I did what I could every step of the way.

I could go on with examples ad infinity. Focusing on the process instead of the outcome applies everywhere. Career aspirations? Focus on the process: Have you been updating your skills? Networking? Fine tuning your résumé and cover letter? Gotten really specific on exactly what you want, including salary, position, company, benefits, department, logistics, commute, and so on? Did you honestly do everything that you could do to move yourself toward the desired outcome to the best of your ability? If so, the rest simply doesn’t matter because it’ll come. It might not come at the speed that you want it. And it might not be the exact outcome you were going for. But the sheer fact that you put one foot in front of the other and moved towards something opens up entire worlds that were not possible when you started.

Let go of the outcome. It’s healthier that way. And take your own advice, Wong.